Saint Matthew's

The National Hockey League’s scheduling issues are apparently over. Amen!

A couple of years ago after the league’s season long lockout, the NHL decided to make their schedule top-heavy with divisional games in a weak attempt at trying to build rivalries. It gets rather boring for fans to watch their team play divisional rivals 8 times a year.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Having the Rangers and Islanders on the schedule 8 times is nice, however it does get very tedious rather quickly.

Last night, the Board of Governors voted to change the schedule next season and reduce the number of divisional battles to only 6 a season and ensure that every team plays everyone else in the league.

Sanity has returned to the NHL

I just returned from a visit where I was asked if I preferred the summer or winter.

Both have their positives and negatives, yet I chose winter.

I still like the snow. The temperatures aren’t always brutal. And it just seems more peaceful when snow is falling.

Last night (or early this morning) I found myself thinking about me.

I don’t usually like sitting down and taking an inventory of my life, but for some reason I did so after watching last night’s Green Bay Packers v. Dallas Cowboy game. To me, pondering my life is something that just stresses me out. I find it so uncomfortable thinking about who I am. Ahhhh! However, after getting ready for bed, that is what I did.

The reason? I’ve been lost recently and needed to find my core again.

To sum it all up in a short sentence: I really haven’t been the best person the past couple of months. I know that is something you don’t want to hear. Yet, it is true. As I looked back on the recent past, I found that I have been driven more by self than any other time since being ordained into the Holy Ministry. I don’t want to get into specifics, which is rare for this blog. Usually I vent here, letting it all fly. But not now.

Whether it is in my professional or personal life, I have been so ego-driven the past few months that it scares me. And when this happens, it is like I am circling the drain. I don’t like the way this lifestyle makes me feel. I am not good for anyone when I get this way.

When I write that I am driven by self, I mean that I have very easily lost the meaning of why I am a pastor. Many times the Christ-centered life that I am to live has been overshadowed by self-gratifying thought. I begin to trust myself rather than trust the God who created me, saved me, and keeps me in the one true faith. And this breaks my heart.

During this rocky period, I snap too easily, I jump to conclusions too fast, I talk immature at times, I let words of anger escape my lips, all of which make me sound like a child instead of an adult. Whether it is everyday life, work in God’s Kingdom, or even when I talk sports, the last few months have been a train wreck. Last night I found myself saying and thinking horrible things about one of the football players on the Green Bay Packers. That really isn’t who I am.

Over the past several weeks, I readily acknowledge that I haven’t been the best of friends to anyone. I’ve presented a misshapen pattern of friendship, covered up by a self-gratifying ego.

Some could say that my father’s cancer battle has something to do my direction these past several months as fear of the unknown has taken hold of me. But those thoughts would be wrong.

I really can’t say why I entered into this pattern. I know that I have to change it.

If I have sounded shrill or too uncaring at times, please accept my apologies. If I’ve been aloof, I’m sorry. And if I haven’t been a good pastor, please forgive me.

Maybe it was because for the first time in a while, I got 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. But I’ve been so snippy today. Emails, phone calls, visits, meeting people while picking up the newspaper – it just seems that I’m a little too quick to snap this day.

Goodness. I wrote a response email this afternoon that was just nasty. Oh, I was ripping on hockey players I can’t stand, but even at that, I was a little to quick on just being so, so, nasty.

Only one other person has to deal with me on a visit today. Pray for them.

I don’t know why or how it happens but sometimes a song just gets stuck in my head. Now, I don’t mind if the song is good, but when those train wreck songs or even TV jingles get mashed into my brain, I just can’t stand it.

Over the past several days, I have had this problem of sticky music bouncing around my brain cells.

First, it was the song “Teenagers” by My Chemical Romance. I was listening to XM Satellite Radio and the song came on. BAM! Couldn’t get it out of my head. “They say oh, teenagers scare the living **** out of me, they could care less as someone’ll bleed, so darken your clothes or strike a violent pose, maybe they’ll leave you alone but not me.” I ended up buying on iTunes in the hope that it would calm my nervous brain cells to let me get back to normal. It didn’t. But I still like the song.

Second, which was yesterday afternoon as I was coming back from my doctors, Steppenwolf’s “Magic Carpet Ride” was played on XM 60′s on 6. I love this song. And obviously so did my brain. All evening the lyrics were bouncing in my brain – “Well you don’t know what we can find, why don’t you come with me little girl on a magic carpet ride.” Ah!!

Then last night as I was trying to get Steppenwolf out my head, I turned on Frank Sinatra music while I was cleaning up my computer and email inbox. Don’t you know it?

“Cheek to Cheek” has now taken the place of Steppenwolf. Aaaaahhh!

“Heaven, I’m in heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak, and I seem to find the happiness I seek, when we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek.”

I wonder what is next.

As I mentioned yesterday, my father went to his oncologist to determine if two suspect areas – a mass in his pelvic region and portion his liver – were indeed cancerous. He had taken a PET scan a week earlier that came on top of a CAT scan and other x-rays the week prior.

While not confirming that both areas are cancerous, he wants to perform a biopsy on tissues in both areas to get solid confirmation as to what they are dealing with.

In his pelvic region, the mass could be either cancer or some inflammation, though it appeared as if the doctor was leaning toward the mass being cancerous. If it is cancer, aggressive treatment can combat it. Of course, he would need more surgery to remove it. As you recall, my father had a colostomy after doctors removed his colon following colon cancer surgery. So it could very well be inflammation, but since it is so many months since his surgery, it is also not the most likely scenario. My father said his doctor seemed less worried about this mass being cancerous than he is about the liver.

The liver is what is worrying him. The PET scan did not conclusively say it was cancer. A biopsy is most definitely needed to figure out if it is cancer. However, when the doctor is very nervous about something, it didn’t bring my father any comfort yesterday.

If it is liver cancer, he will have to have the portion of the liver removed and receive some cancer treatment cocktail. A worse diagnosis would include removing a larger portion of the liver and finding someone to donate a portion of their liver. Everything is on hold until a biopsy is performed.

Last night, I was not in the greatest of moods. I spoke to family members who are shocked and angry and equally scared, and these conversations didn’t help. Many times when I get into situations like this, I clam up and shut down. Instead of talking, I keep it all inside.

Growing up, my father and I had an OK relationship. He was always working during the week and on weekends, he tried to get as much rest as possible. We didn’t do a lot of “dad-son” things because of it. Every now and then, he’d get tickets to a Yankees game or we’d go out to a movie. But in terms of a close relationship, it wasn’t there growing up.

After my mother died in 1990, things between us changed. I was in college at the time and living at home (Saint John’s University didn’t have dorms back then). At home, I helped more than I ever did and my father appreciated it. One of the consistent things that we did together was go food shopping on Saturdays, something he and my mother did religiously. I would call and make sure he was up and ready to go and I would come over and we’d drive together to Stop & Shop in Cross County Center in Yonkers.

This weekly excursion gave us time to talk, something we never did before. While he was confused as to my professional and personal life, he got to understand me on a deeper level. But he always had the sense I was doing something good for others. Even now as I am a clergy man, he’s proud that I have “found the way” and now am serving the Lord.

Right now I feel lost. I always keep my chin strong when talking with others who are going through health hardships or are watching a loved one battle through them. I speak of having faith and giving to God all our concerns and hurts, knowing He will hear us, answer us, and comfort us in our times of distress.

The unknown of the battle ahead scares me. At times last night, I was like the little kid again in a dark room, tearing up in fear. I should have called someone to talk, but I didn’t. Instead, I cowered in the unknown while thinking the worst.

I ask that you keep my father in your prayers.

I am at home this afternoon trying to clean and straighten up. The only reason I am doing this today is that I am awaiting a phone call from my father who is supposed to get an update on his cancer battle from his oncologist. I can’t just sit around and do nothing.

So I am cleaning to the sounds of Lucy on XM Satellite Radio. For those who do not know, Lucy is an alternative rock channel.

But as I was cleaning just a few moments ago, the doorbell rang and standing there was Marianne, a 4 year old girl I met when she was a patient in the hospital about a week ago. Her grandmother stood beside her. The young girl wanted to thank me for visiting with her in the hospital. She said she was feeling much better and celebrated Thanksgiving at home with her family.

To show her thanks to me, she said she made a pan of Reese’s Peanut Butter bars. I smiled and gave her and her grandma a hug.

Marianne was very sick for a long time. For her to be feeling better and making peanut butter bars is a miracle. God truly answers prayers.

Now all I need is some milk…

The New York Rangers lost yesterday to the Dallas Stars at the Garden. Losing is never good, but losing at home because your offense is playing rather stinkily (a new word) is never heart warming.

Jay Greenberg at the Post raises the ugly question of Scott Gomez’ play – something I have feared since he came over from the Devils over the summer. To boil it down to one statement: Gomez ain’t earning his pay.

Ouch.

Sometimes, Thanksgiving can be stressful. Oh, not in the “I got to get this stuff in the oven by 5am or the dinner won’t be ready by 3″ type of stress.

I speak of the family stress. There are times when you just don’t want to deal with family and their considerable amount of insecurities. Being around them during these periods causes one to become stressed and aggravated.

This year, that is what I experienced. I didn’t want to be around people who have to build up walls and pretend to be nice, but in all reality, they are completely insecure about everything in their lives and they are just waiting to take it out on you. And when they try and drop the hammer of insecurity, I just wanted to run for the door.

I am not speaking of my father, who is literally going through the most stressful point in his life as he awaits tests results to see if his cancer is gone or if it has spread to his liver. His mind wasn’t so much on overcooked turkey and whipped turnips (who eats that any way?). But he got through the family gathering in one piece.

Not me. And especially not my brother who didn’t stick around for dinner. He would rather go visit his friend’s on Thanksgiving Day than to deal with stupid dysfunctional family issues.

It is not I didn’t try to be cheerful, but the day was nowhere near I hoped it would be. That made dinner nearly unbearable. I only ate one plate serving (my doctor will be happy) but nothing else. No seconds on anything. I just wanted to get up from the table and leave.

Sadly, I fear for Christmas Day. These issues will not work themselves out during the Christmas season; in fact, they will only get worse. And I don’t want to deal with it. I have plenty of other things in my life that cause me stress. I don’t need manufactured issues added to my plate.

OK. Now onto other things. I was invited to celebrate “Thanksgiving Eve.” And yes, to my surprise, places where people have fun were jammed. I can’t understand it, but they were. There were long lines to get into drinking holes all over the place. The saving grace was that it really wasn’t cold outside. Oh, it was as foggy as foggy can get. But it was not cold. While I can’t wrap myself around this little escape night before Turkey day, the night was very enjoyable. I was with a group of people who are fun to be around. I thank them for allowing this clergy person to tag along.

New Year’s Eve has always been considered by most people as the biggest party night of the year, for obvious reasons. Professional partiers are joined by a whole lot of amateurs as they get blasted into the New Year where many of them will not remember a lot of what they did or drank.

However, tonight, I am told, if I think that people can’t remember New Year’s Eve, then I can’t imagine that tomorrow morning and afternoon so many young people are going to wake up with either alcohol-induced vomit or the words “What the hell happened” coming out of their mouths.

Tonight, the night before Thanksgiving, is really the biggest party night of the year. Bars will be packed to the gills as people, mostly of the younger generation, will jam into them to party. Of course, that means consuming way too much alcohol and not remembering a darn thing what happened to them or what they drank. Bars tonight are going to make a mint off drunken party-goers who are celebrating….I don’t know what.

I’ve asked people why tonight is considered the biggest party night of the year. No one can give me an answer. They just can’t believe I never heard of the party label given to Thanksgiving Eve. Oh, it can’t really be considered just a Thanksgiving Eve kind-of-tradition because this night will stretch into the wee hours of the  Thanksgiving morning as these drunken party-goers will just keep on drinking until their livers burst. By the grace of God, these drunken party-goers will stumble their way home and pass out, hopefully reaching either their couches, their bedrooms, or their front steps.

That will make for a fun time around the Thanksgiving table tomorrow afternoon. Just keep trying to pass turnips or some smelly food product to the hungover people at your table. Reminder – keep a few plastic bags near the table just in case those suffering from a hangover can’t get up in time.

I know, I am making fun of tomorrow’s drunks. It may not be right, but I have to at least stand up, every now and then, for keeping it safe. This is not to say I don’t consume alcohol. I do – sometimes way too much. To all those doing the party-thing tonight, keep it safe. Don’t drive while drunk.

I don’t want to get called to the morgue to give last rites tomorrow morning.

Can’t believe I did it, but I started a Facebook profile.

Yes, I did.

Also did the MySpace thing, as well.

However, I think I will be using the Facebook thing more often.

One of the biggest arguments against use of embryos in stem cell research is that in order to get the cells, one would have to kill an innocent life. Those in the religious community have condemned this horrific research and urged continued use of adult stem cells since no one has to die. Scientists have moaned that the prospects of embryonic stem cell research outweighed the ethical and moral concerns people like me had.

But adult stem cells have been proven to be more effective in dealing with diseases. More the 70 disease treatments have come from adult stem cells while nothing has come from embryonic research to date.

However, the use of embryos may be a thing of the past, God-willing. According to a report in this morning’s New York Times, a new procedure has been discovered that can literally convert human skin cells into embryonic stem calls – all by adding 4 genes.

All they had to do, the scientists said, was add four genes. The genes reprogrammed the chromosomes of the skin cells, making the cells into blank slates that should be able to turn into any of the 220 cell types of the human body, be it heart, brain, blood or bone. Until now, the only way to get such human universal cells was to pluck them from a human embryo several days after fertilization, destroying the embryo in the process.

The reprogrammed skin cells may yet prove to have subtle differences from embryonic stem cells that come directly from human embryos, and the new method includes potentially risky steps, like introducing a cancer gene. But stem cell researchers say they are confident that it will not take long to perfect the method and that today’s drawbacks will prove to be temporary.

If this procedure proves scientifically solid – and it looks like it – there may never be a need to destroy life anymore in order to save it.

This morning when I had a few minutes, I stopped off at BJ’s in Paramus to pick up a couple of items. Literally, it was 2 items – Danactive Yogurt drink and milk. I did make a mistake with the milk. I wasn’t paying attention and I bought a gallon of whole milk instead of my usual skim. An entire gallon of the creamy stuff. Ugh.

But as I was walking to the check out counter, a little kid was having a hissy fit over a box of cereal. He wanted it; mom didn’t. When mom said, “You have to put that back now. We’re not getting that,” it was immediately responded by the little terror, “NO!” I slowed up to watch this little dance and see who would actually win.

Because if this was me and my mother when I was growing up, I would have been slapped so hard in my face for responding that way. It would not have been nice.

But this modern day mom decided to use some kind of pseudo-pop psychology on this tike. She offered to buy him fast food, which, of course, is not what the little brat wanted. He wanted his colorful and full-of-sugar cereal. Then the mom stared at him and asked him – ASKED HIM – that if she got the cereal for him, he would have to share with his siblings.

If you were the little terror, would you say no to that? You’re getting what you want. You beat down mom with a little loud lung action.

Of course the kid say, “OK.” And they walked off.

What is it with parents these days? It isn’t that the children have changed – for time and forever they would cry out for stuff in food stores. It is that the modern version of parents are caving faster than a cheap suitcase. Where are the parents with backbones anymore?

Mind you, I think the snow falling this morning around our area is pretty. There is just something about lightly falling snow in the early morning hours.

Yes, it has made the morning traffic hideous. Overturned tractor trailers on 78. Icy bridges all over the region. People not remembering how to drive in the snow. Ugh. It is enough to make anyone want to go back to bed.

However, the look of the snowflakes cascading down from the clouds presents a blessed calmness to our hectic day. I’ve always liked the snow. Watching it truly is peaceful.

But…

IT IS NOVEMBER 19th. CAN’T THE SNOW WAIT A BIT? 

I figured something out this morning before church – I am saving money being off caffeine.

I usually purchased coffee at 7-Eleven and Garden Cafe several times during the week. Add to that an every-other-day habit of buying caffeinated soda. After doing a little math – I have saved over $25.00 this week not buying soda or coffee.

That’s $25.00 in the bank instead of in someone else’s pocket.

Thank you, no caffeine.